Cita dan bahagia; luka sentiasa ada

Bila inginnya hati tiada yg mengerti,

ku pasrahkn hati akan takdirnya Ilahi.

Cita dan cinta seakan sudah terbang bersama lembut bayu yg sepi.

Hasrat dan angan seakan-akan sudah menemui jalan yg mati.

Lukanya hati bukan sekadar sakit dan pedih.

Darahnya bukan kepalang lautan hindi.

Tapi, entah kenapa di dalam sakit yg ku diamkn resahnya,

terserlah sinar yg tiada tolok indahnya.

Seakan-akan ku semakin temui bahagia.

Seakan-akan ku hampiri klimaksnya cinta.

Seakan-akan ku berenang di lautan rindu.

Umpamanya aku berlayar bertemankn cinta dikuatkan rindu..

Teman,inilah bahagia yg ku temui ddlm sakit,

inilah rasa penawarnya hati,

inilah ceritera si hamba kerdil..

Dramatic Me

So drama~ I'm sharing this not bcz I've fallen in love. I'm just sharing after almost an hour cried for a korean drama, a historical drama, last night. It's all abt love, family, throne, jealousy, friendship, sacrifices. When it comes to love, in our early 20s, most of my friends were already married, engaged, found their only one. but me, I'm still searching for myself. a real me. I'm still clinging to my parents. my siblings. I'm the last one but sometimes I feel like I'm the older sister. Day and night, I'd been thinking, abt their meals, facilities, groceries, the peoples. sometimes I feel so guilty, I can't give them a hug, I'm just too far frm them. the only thing I did was, transferred them money, calling them, asking their condition. It's just so frustrated~ I, desperately want to finish my study, in Law and ECE. I can't give up. I can't pay attention for other things like lover, went outing with him, dating, etc etc. ...

Dreams come true~

Bismillahirrahmanirahiim. 2014, April 05. 12.33 am Ummi Playhouse Impian. Kadang kala sukar untuk merencana impian kerana ia unpredictable. Sukar merencana atau sukar melaksana? Hmm. ^^ Dulu bidadari saya pernah berkongsi, dia ingin menjadi seorang pendidik. Pendidik agama. Ingin menuntut, menambah ilmu di rantau orang tetapi dihalang dek ema(atok) dan iyya(nenek) atas alasan bimbang tidak dapat berjumpa sebelum mereka menghembuskan nafas terakhir. Lalu setelah beberapa pertimbangan dilakukan, akhirnya, impian bidadari saya terkubur disitu. Dia tidak menyesali takdir yg itu. Walau sedikit pun? Wallahua'lam. Kerana dia dengan bangga pernah berkata, 'kalau mama pergi juga masa tu, mama nda akan dapat Enn dgn abang. Mama lebih daripada bersyukur ada kamu.' Touching sat. T_T Pernah bertanya, 'kenapa ingin menjadi pendidik agama?' Lalu mama kata, 'kerana keadaan orang2 sekeliling yg kurang tahu bab2 seperti inilah mama mau belajar. Mama mau ajar doran...

Say goodbye~

Say goodbye~ I'll never forget how warmth ur hugs is, which is, I'll forever miss.. I'll never forget how is it feel to comfort someone like you, which is I never learn how to.. I'll never forget that time you said you love me, more than anyone, which is I never expected to.. I'll never forget that time we laughed happily watching the pouring rain, which is, it gonna remind me of you.. I'll never forget all of those memories we create, with hopes, You'll grow up as a kind person with a big heart.

Eelmar Anaiz

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