Skip to main content

Real Friends

Part 1

 As a someone who had trust issues, you'll be firm with quality of friends instead of quantity. 
So, i didn't dare to make a new relationship as a lover or friends either. 
I'm afraid to. 
I got countless insecurities in mind, that being wall every time i tried to do so. 

 But then, at the age of 22 years old, i met them. 

 Their naughtiness, genius ideas, noisiness caught me off guard. 

 I even ask myself for once, 

 'Am i able to continue this friendship with them?'
'Am i, the most secretive person, able to open up about myself, my life or even my family with them?'
'Are they going to leave me alone after this? Are they going to stab me at the back?'
And so on..

 We being friend. 
1 month. 
3 months. 
6 months. 
9 months. 
We did a lot of activities together. 
We went to trip. 
We have fun. 
We share laughs, love and problems. 
And.. 
We also argued on a certain times when we felt it goes wrong. 

 Then, i started to share abt my life.
And..
It scared me. 
Its f*cking scared me, a lot. 

 'No, it can't be! They fool you! You can't continue this!'

 I'M STRUGGLING VERY HARD WITH MY OWN MIND. 

 Especially when something happened between me and my friend on few months back.

 But, i tried to push all the negativity away from me. 
It make me sicks. 
I keep this in my mind and my soul, if you love them, you trust them, you want to share everything with them, then do it. If one day, they gonna use it to make you feel down, then it's not ur fault anymore, to not dare starting a new relay w people. 

 So, i keep this mindset. 
I continued for being myself with them. 
And i let Allah chose what is the best way for me. 

Popular posts from this blog

Dramatic Me

So drama~ I'm sharing this not bcz I've fallen in love. I'm just sharing after almost an hour cried for a korean drama, a historical drama, last night. It's all abt love, family, throne, jealousy, friendship, sacrifices. When it comes to love, in our early 20s, most of my friends were already married, engaged, found their only one. but me, I'm still searching for myself. a real me. I'm still clinging to my parents. my siblings. I'm the last one but sometimes I feel like I'm the older sister. Day and night, I'd been thinking, abt their meals, facilities, groceries, the peoples. sometimes I feel so guilty, I can't give them a hug, I'm just too far frm them. the only thing I did was, transferred them money, calling them, asking their condition. It's just so frustrated~ I, desperately want to finish my study, in Law and ECE. I can't give up. I can't pay attention for other things like lover, went outing with him, dating, etc etc. ...
Read more

Dreams come true~

Bismillahirrahmanirahiim. 2014, April 05. 12.33 am Ummi Playhouse Impian. Kadang kala sukar untuk merencana impian kerana ia unpredictable. Sukar merencana atau sukar melaksana? Hmm. ^^ Dulu bidadari saya pernah berkongsi, dia ingin menjadi seorang pendidik. Pendidik agama. Ingin menuntut, menambah ilmu di rantau orang tetapi dihalang dek ema(atok) dan iyya(nenek) atas alasan bimbang tidak dapat berjumpa sebelum mereka menghembuskan nafas terakhir. Lalu setelah beberapa pertimbangan dilakukan, akhirnya, impian bidadari saya terkubur disitu. Dia tidak menyesali takdir yg itu. Walau sedikit pun? Wallahua'lam. Kerana dia dengan bangga pernah berkata, 'kalau mama pergi juga masa tu, mama nda akan dapat Enn dgn abang. Mama lebih daripada bersyukur ada kamu.' Touching sat. T_T Pernah bertanya, 'kenapa ingin menjadi pendidik agama?' Lalu mama kata, 'kerana keadaan orang2 sekeliling yg kurang tahu bab2 seperti inilah mama mau belajar. Mama mau ajar doran...
Read more

Say goodbye~

Say goodbye~ I'll never forget how warmth ur hugs is, which is, I'll forever miss.. I'll never forget how is it feel to comfort someone like you, which is I never learn how to.. I'll never forget that time you said you love me, more than anyone, which is I never expected to.. I'll never forget that time we laughed happily watching the pouring rain, which is, it gonna remind me of you.. I'll never forget all of those memories we create, with hopes, You'll grow up as a kind person with a big heart.
Read more